It's a cold night. The winds blows, and i shiver slightly. I notice a cat curled up into a ball, sleeping, at the foot of a pillar. I wonder if it is shivering too.


I was walking home, after having got off a cab. It was late, and there were no more buses home. I was at Youth's 10th Anniversary at Singapore Sports School.






At first, i contemplated if i should go. When i found out that fellow youth alumni people from nus are gathering to go down together, i felt relieved. I decide that i should go after all.


I was in youth for 6-7 years. Throughout my secondary school, jc and post-jc life. I breathed, ate, drank, sang, danced, rejoiced, mourned, laughed and cried for the youth ministry. I couldn't imagine life without it, and i wouldn't want life without it.



So why did i contemplate about going?




You know, it's a strange thing. This whole thing about growing older, about moving on.


In the beginning, you were the youngest. When i joined Youth, i was the youngest. A young passionate secondary one girl who knew nothing but God's love and His promises. I would go street evangelizing alone, as and when i'm free. I would even fast and pray daily for my caregroup members, after having noticed that they weren't doing well.


And then you grow older. That's when the younger ones start looking up to you, spiritually, and for practical issues, like which course to choose, which jc/poly, which cca, etc. That's when you knew everyone. And everyone knew you. You feel comfortable, you feel at home.


And then you move on. It comes a point of time when you realize you got to move on. As much as you can't imagine your life outside Youth, you just got to pack your bags and move on.


It's a tough period of adapting, of learning, of growing. And all these while, while you are adapting, learning and growing, everyone else in your previous group is moving on too. They're growing up, taking over new roles, becoming who you were to them last time and doing the same for the next generation.


New and unfamiliar faces appear every time you meet your previous group. Awkwardness, silence, unfamiliarity. The people whom you once spent so much time with, the people whom you felt so at home with. Gradually, you shy away from them. You just want to protect those memories. Keep them in a bottle, place them close to your heart, and pray nothing would taint them.






At the end of the day, you realize that the world goes on, whether you're there or not. The kingdom of God advances, with or without you. No one is indispensable. The question lies in whether you want to be used by God.







I decided to go after all. Youth ministry was a very important part of my life. I hope i've impacted some lives, tho i'm not sure if i did. It'll always have a special place in my heart. The way your first love does. And i cherish these memories a lot. And hence, i chose to go after all.


I wanted to take pics with several old friends whom i haven't met to catch up with for some time already. But it was getting late, pastor simon eng just got started with his preaching, and we had to catch the last train. So we left before the Anniversary ended. I managed to take a pic tho, with cong.


Me+Cong. There's a strange warmth in the air. A sort of sameness in the smiles. The feeling that an old friend gives, that won't go away.




:)